The Funniest People in Families, Volume 2

This is a short, quick, and easy read.Some Sample Anecdotes:• John Steinbeck always toasted Ava Gardner whenever he began to drink. Here’s the story: While Mr. Steinbeck was in Hollywood working as a scriptwriter, he got a call from Nunnally Johnson’s wife inviting him to a party and asking if he would escort Ava Gardner. Mr. Steinbeck was agreeable, but he later received another call saying that Ms. Gardner was ill and could he escort Ann Southern instead. Once again, he was agreeable, and so he escorted Ms. Southern and her chaperone, Elaine Scott, to the party. Mr. Steinbeck and Ms. Southern dated a few times, but one night Ms. Southern was busy and so she asked him to take care of Elaine. Mr. Steinbeck took Elaine out, discovered he really liked her, and he later married her. That’s why he always began his drinking by saying, 'Here’s to Ava Gardner.'• Briefly, comedian Jay Leno was a member of the Boy Scouts. His scoutmaster was determined to get parents involved in the organization, although many of them did not want to get involved. The scoutmaster even gave Jay’s father a bunch of merit badges and asked for help in administering tests and giving the merit badges out to the scouts. Reluctant to be involved, Jay’s father asked the scouts, 'What kind of tree is that over there?' Because apples were hanging from the tree’s branches, they quickly identified the tree, and Jay’s father started handing five or six merit badges to each scout - including merit badges that had nothing to do with tree identification. When the scoutmaster saw the merit badges being worn by the scouts, he angrily started ripping them off the scouts’ uniforms. Shortly thereafter, Jay stopped being a scout.• Sometimes, homosexuals are accepted by people who seem unlikely to accept them - even people they have been warned not to come out to because it might kill them. A gay man from an Italian Catholic family was visiting his 81-year-old grandmother while she was watching soap operas, and suddenly she pointed to an actor and said, 'Isn’t he beautiful?' He looked surprised, so she said, 'I’m not stupid, you know. I know you don’t like girls.' Then she smiled and added, 'I watch all of the talk shows. I know what’s going on in the world.' Finally, the gay man was able to say, 'Grandma, I’m gay, and I was afraid to tell you.' She told him, 'When you get to be my age, a lot of things don’t bother you that used to bother you. You realize that a lot of things aren’t important enough to get upset over. What’s important is that people are happy.'• Columnist Ann Landers once asked her female heterosexual readers whether they preferred cuddling to the act of lovemaking. A majority preferred cuddling. Curious, writer Gail Sausser asked a lesbian friend whether she preferred cuddling to the act of lovemaking. The friend was shocked by the question: 'What do you mean? Cuddling is part of the act - sex is affectionate!'