Memory Lane

I was adopted so young I barely remember it. Although it was by blood relatives, I grew up in a loveless home with people who abused me mentally, physically, and emotionally. Too young to know how to deal with my emotions, I began to act out.By the age of twelve, I was drinking, drugging, and smoking cigarettes. Staying in trouble became normal. I had become just as toxic as my environment. That caused me to carry a lot of baggage to college with me. There I met my first husband and my children’s father. From infidelity to prison, this had to be the pettiest relationship I have ever seen or been in. The thirteen long years of heavy drinking, drugging, and domestic violence were a bad atmosphere for our girls. We were creating more damaged goods.Once I decided to leave my train wreck of a marriage, I found the divorce to be as messy and complicated. Situations like this have a way of exposing the fake people in your life. It lets you know who is for you and who has secretly been against you. The moment I decided to do what I felt was best for me and my girls, the ridicule began, and it was relentless. I was immediately a bad mother. I had to stand my ground and defend the decisions I made. I had to show my so-called family and friends I was strong enough to stand alone. I never really had a family, just a bunch of relatives. I never had many friends, just true frenemies. It was me against the world, and I was ready for battle.After the divorce was final and I was kid-free, my drinking, drugging, and partying spiraled out of control. This led me to people who helped me turn things around. Regardless of how bad things got, my club brothers never turned their backs on me. That’s why joining a motorcycle club was one of the best decisions I ever made. It didn’t hurt that when I met the sergeant at arms, I wanted one hot night with him. However, after I got to know him, I wanted him all to myself. We started as best friends, and our relationship was solid. It was definitely tested. From my children returning home, my multiple arrests, and my bad relationship with his family. Through it all, he had my back.I had spent the majority of my life masking. Riddled with addictions to stealing, food, alcohol, drugs, sex, money, and gambling, I had a lot of self-reflecting and growing to do. All this was made possible with a stretch in the penitentiary. I had to start with separating religion and spirituality. Religion was forced on me. It was time for me to decide. My physical being may have been trapped in a cage, but my mental stability was far worse. I needed to free myself and my mentality from bondage and truly begin to heal and grow.My life may have been an uphill battle, but I made it to the top, a much-better Mz. Talented.