EVERYTHING IS F**KED

Elias Vane wakes up losing - which is, statistically, the best part of his day. In the sinking, superstitious city of Blackwick, where the streetlamps have opinions and the architecture holds grudges, being an idiot isn’t a personality flaw. It’s a job title. And Elias just inherited the position from a dead man he never met.His only guide through the collapsing rules of reality is Mabel: a foul-mouthed, chain-smoking, occasionally combustible stitched teddy bear who has appointed herself his mentor, bodyguard, and primary source of trauma. She knows exactly what’s coming for Blackwick. She is, unfortunately, both a genius and a nightmare to work with, and she has strong opinions about which parts of the coming apocalypse are actually worth panicking over.Because something is eating the city from the inside. Names are coming loose from the people who own them. The buildings have started keeping score. A vault under the city holds a debt nobody remembers agreeing to, a constable named Ash is investigating crimes that technically haven’t finished happening yet, and the previous idiot - a man named Corliss - left behind a very large mess and a suspiciously specific set of instructions. Somewhere beneath all of it, the city’s clocks are running out of time to lie about how much time is left.Armed with nothing but bad instincts, worse luck, and a teddy bear who treats mortal peril as a comedy bit, Elias has to figure out what he’s actually supposed to be doing before Blackwick finishes deciding what to do with him.Everything Is F**ked is a gothic cosmic-horror comedy for readers who want their apocalypse narrated by something that swears at it - a story about inherited responsibility, reluctant heroism, and the particular indignity of saving a city that never asked for your help and isn’t especially grateful for it.